Must Read: Diary Of A Broke Playboy

Episode 6 years ago

Must Read: Diary Of A Broke Playboy

“I am going,” I said and started walking for the door, hoping she would call me back like she always did the other days. She did no such thing. I walked back to the bed.

My daughter was sleeping already, peacefully and calmly. I bent low and pecked her cheek, she woke up, much to Chinaza’s annoyance. She snapped at me and my boy woke up too. Good, if she was going to break my heart like that then she deserved a little punishment. She gave me her killer frown but I was too angry to care. She once told me that one of the reasons she loved me was because of my capacity to do absolutely stupid things, sleeping with her friend was not one of them though. I bade my goodbyes and headed for the door. She needed all the space she can get, her b0s0m were about to get busy.

And the days that followed were just like that.
She was punishing me for what I did and I was even too ashamed to complain. So I bought her a flower. A very big bouquet and a teddy too.
Though it cost me much more than I had expected. Never knew silly things like that cost much, that comes from having a girl like Chinaza that demands only for love and nothing else. It pained me paying that much, like a stuffed teddy going for 4k. I had argued with the dealer that I was buying a teddy bear and not a baby.

I eventually got a red one. Red was the color of love and a red bouquet matched it. If she rejects it, I was going to give the teddy to the boy and the flowers to the girl. At least if I wasn’t a good boyfriend, I would be a good father.

I was busy with the wrapping of the gifts in the confines of my room. Youtube was teaching me the job. Then Naza b@nged in. She rarely knocked.
I hid the ribbon behind me, too clumsy that she noticed.

“What are you doing?” she asked.


“I bought things, for the babies,” I stammered. “And you.”


She came for them. Flipping them around recklessly. Like she couldn’t give a shït, breaking my heart while at it.

“Which one is mine?” She asked.
[B] “All of them, then decide the one you will dash out to the babes,” I replied. She smiled. A lovely smile.

“Will you forgive me and accept me and my gift?” I asked.


“I am cursed with you,” she replied and sat beside me.

“I love you very much,” I confessed.
[B] “I know, let’s go and change baby diapers first.”

From my house to her house. That was our new circle of life. None of those circles led us into a bed though. She was uptight about that part of our affair, again.

So I have really learnt a lot about taking care of babies, the only part I still have a problem with is breastfeeding them. I have never tried that though, I don’t have big b0s0m like their mom.
That’s the only part Naza would never invite me to help her out with. We did every other thing together. From changing their diapers to singing them to sleep.

We finally gave them a name. It was on a bright sunny day and their 2 months birthday. Chinaza was feeling happy with herself and every other person else. Reason was she had a very nice sleep that night, at my expense though. I had dealt with the babies midnight cries while she slept away on her bed with an earplug to her ear.
“See how beautiful she is looking,” she had chirped while adjusting baby girl’s hair ribbon.

“So do we call her beautiful?” I asked.


“No, what kind of name is that?”

“Then pretty?” I asked again. She shook her head.

“Call them Bonnie and Clyde,” Willie suggested.

“God forbid,” we shouted in unison.


“Benedict and Scholastica,” her mother suggested.

“Too churchy,” I m0aned.

“Call them John and Bull abeg. These foods and drinks are getting old,” Willie complained, eyeing the food on the table.


“Fine, we will think about it,” Naza said. Willie got up from the sopha and made for the steaming food and drinks.

“Let’s eat first,” he said. Naza moved the table farther from him.

“No, we will eat after we had thought out a name for the babies.”

Everyone grumbled. Then we sat there, for over 15 minutes, searching for Sekxy names for our beautiful babies. Naza had allowed nobody else to suggest a name for them, she would do it herself. Apparently, it wasn’t that easy. 2 months gone and she was still at it. We were so naive at that parenting of a thing and worse still, they came in twos.

“We will give you two 10 more minutes to say something or we will give them whatever names we like,” My father said finally.

“Yes, 10 minutes,” Willie supported, spinning a bottle of Heineken in his hands.

“Chinecherem, you name the girl and your wife will name the boy,” my father finalized.

The time started ticking. We had our eyes on each other. Who would have thought that an ordinary task of naming babies could put one in so much a hot seat.

“Tick- tock” “Tick-tock” “Tick- tock” the time ticked and then 12 minutes gone, we had 2 minutes grace.

“So, are you ready?” he asked again.

The ladies around were laughing out at our anxiety. We nodded.

“1 – 2 – 3 – Go!” Willie called.


“Chinaza,” I snapped and Naza followed it up with “Chinecherem.”
“Good, now we can eat, ” Willie said and reached for the table. Everyone followed suit. I and Naza kept staring at each other, like we needed to verify if we had chosen the right names. Willie took a long drag of the green bottle and smirked his lips.

“Ehe, what did you say their names were again?” he asked.


“Star and lager,” Chinaza answered with a hiss.