Must Read: Brother Wale - Season 1 - Episode 17

6 years ago

Must Read: Brother Wale - Season 1 - Episode 17

Nobody, I saw it in the dictionary, Brother wait na let me tell you the meaning of the word!” I couldn’t wait.
“oya speak!” I saw the disgust in his face.

“It means a female sexual organ homologous to the p’enis” I said, “And brother lemme make a sentence with it; Aunty Christy have a big c’litoris while Brother Wale have a small p’enis”
Blackout on me that night.

“Brother there is no firewood in the house oh!” I returned from searching for firewood at home.
“so what do we do?”

“I suggest we close for the day!” I wished.

“how can we close when we have all this plenty customers?” Brother Wale said, “can’t you see they are enjoying the music I am playing?”

“m’umu, Your mate dey play better music you dey play Michael Jackson song!” I wondered what Michael Jackson’s songs had to do with Akara.

“yes brother they are enjoying it I can see!” I said, “so what do we do?”
“go to the bush!” He said.

“go to the bush? Who?”

“You of course”
“Me? But it is late na!” I complained.

“you will use torch light, or are you scared?”

“Me? Scared? Why I go fear? I get mind die!”
I said that because Tolani Yemi’s younger sister just walked pass.

“Ehheeen! That’s my brother, Okunri meta!” Brother Wale handed over the torchlight to me, “don’t come back unless you are coming back with firewood oh!”

“see your mouth! why you no go by yourself!”
“Yemi come follow me go find firewood for bush na, abeg!” I pleaded.

“Guy I wan go chop!” What a friend.

“No money, no friends!” I encouraged myself with the words of the notorious Big as I walked the meandering part to the bush.

“Bruuuuuu! Broooar! Bruuuuu!” I turned.

“who be that?”

Mehn! The bush was so dark that the torchlight I held was like a mare fire ant.

Legend has it that in the bushes in Anifowoshe lives babies, Bush babies – they are dwarfs with one leg and with gray hair carrying a walking stick.

“mewww!” I heard and the hair in the back of my head stood.
“mewww!”

As I bent down I heard, “mew mew mew mew mew!” I concluded two bush babies were fighting.

“SB if this bush baby meet you here na die you don die oh!”

Rumour had it that Kuti died of two slaps from two bush babies that slapped him after having s-x with him. Little wonder the cliché “I go slap you like Kuti!” reigned in the neighbourhood while Kuti was sick for two weeks and after his death.

“I go like make bush baby f’uck me like Kuti oh! E go make sense” I told Yemi when we heard of Kuti’s death.
“who is there!”

“guy carry one of that firewood and run!” I advised myself.

Soon I heard footsteps towards me.

And like a robot, I grabbed a huge firewood, placed it on my head and like a moving train I ran.
I turned for a while when I was about six metres from the street and saw that about three bush babies ran after me.

If two bush babies could have s-x with Kuti and killed him with two slaps, three would sure kill SB.
I was glad I made it to the street seeing people walked and I was sure the bush babies feared the light. But something was missing, my firewood!

“Don’t come back unless you are coming back with firewood oh!” I remembered Brother Wale’s warning.

“I think say I carry the firewood for my head?” I asked myself.

“okay! I troway am that time so I go fit run fast oh!” I remembered.

“wetin I go do now? I no dey go back to that bush oh! God forbid!”

“Okay! I know wetin I go do!”

I had remembered that by Brother Luku’s fence lied two bunches of firewood, and I reached a conclusion – I was gonna steal.

Forgetting Brother Luku had three dogs, plus him, making it four.