Must Read: Brother Wale - Season 1 - Episode 18

6 years ago

Must Read: Brother Wale - Season 1 - Episode 18

“hold it there!” I heard.

“you know that is stealing, you are a thief” I thought God was speaking to me.

“Bill! Skill! Trill! Get him!”
“Get who?” I thought I was dreaming.
Bill, Trill and Skill are skillful in biting off the cap.

I remember Skill almost biting off Debo’s cap – the cap of his p’enis leaving only the b’alls, and we nicknamed Debo “Debo! where your pencil?”
“SB where your pencil?” I imagined Kpobo drawing a cartoon animation of me in the blackboard with a broken p’enis so I ran faster; I ran like there was no tomorrow, or like my tomorrow was dead.

“SB! Where are you running to?” I ran pass Tolani my crush, my babe rather.

“Nowhere! I am just exercising! I need to lose weight!”

“Aaaah!” I turned and saw that I had a running-partner already.

Didn’t they say “what a man can do a woman can do better”?

“Wait for me SB!” Women can be funny sha! I am running for my dear life and you are telling me to wait for you, is it a heavenly race? Even heavenly race is personal.

Then from nowhere, Tolani overtook me. She was running bare footed.

“Tolani!” I called. She was soon two metres ahead.

Yemi had told me severally that Tolani was always coming first in their school’s inter-house sport competition but I never believed, seeing her ran so fast in the inter-house sport of life and death, I believed.

Soon my legs were failing me.

“SB! Seyi bobo! So naso you go take die?” I was already imagined what will be said of me when I rest in peace, in pieces rather; because I was very sure the three dogs would surely pieces my bones.

“And here lies the body of a vibrant soldier, a dogged sailor that sailed through life’s turbulence and was victorious, he fought for love, like Romeo he died for the love of his life, may his gentle soul rest in peace!”

That would be in the event of my demise.
Wherever Tolani ran to I followed knowing women made better decisions in emergencies. Or so I thought.

Holly s’hit! She was running towards her compound, and I could see Bill was so close to me.

I had watched in a movie that a guy was chased by a dog, and once he put off his slippers and continued running bare footed, the dog stopped and was chewing the slippers.

Taking off my slippers shortened the distance from Bill, and I was so tired.

“Lord pls take my hands!” I wept.

I looked forward and saw Tolani was in her compound already, and guess what? She shut the gate. After girls go say men are wicked. Who wicked now?

“Tolani open the gate!” I cried with a loud voice.

I had ten seconds to decide what my next line or action would be lest I died and made hell.
“Jump that fence!” Was a suggestion.
But my mind flashed back to the last time I tried jumping a fence. That was when our ball was fired to Igboh kwenu the igboh dealer’s compound. The same Tolani caused me woo that afternoon. I had decided that since I wasn’t fit in the pitch meaning I was playing rubbish – kind of my-stomach-show-me-where-to-play-to style of football; the kind they play in Swaziland league, I needed to prove to Tolani that I was superman albeit not in the pitch but in fence climbing.

With so much dexterity, I jumped holding the top of the fence with my both hands, then blood rained on me – there were tiny bottles affixed to the top of the fence.

“SB climb enter na” My in-law to be Yemi said; more like he said: “prove to me that you will take good care of my sister when you marry her!”

“aaaaah! Bottle dey the fence! I have died!” Grammar matters not in such situation.

I tried to pull myself up and the bottles pierced deeper reaching my skeletal structure.

“Abeg comot here jor! You no know say that side bottle dey, na here bottle no dey!” Yellow swiftly entered the compound.

“Sorry oh!” Tolani said, “Did it wound you?”

“S’tupid question! No e no wound me, e kiss my hand, you see blood full my hand you dey ask me nonsense question!”

“See that tree for there, jump catch one of the branch!” Another suggestion.

Monkeys climbs tree,