Must Read: Brother Wale - Season 1 - Episode 21

6 years ago

Must Read: Brother Wale - Season 1 - Episode 21

Okay! You should be working in the fire service then!” I said.

“And I should be working in the boys scout for making fire” I almost said.

“Hahahahahaha!” He laughed.

“Brother Wale! Brother Wale!” I hailed.

“that reminds me, you have a letter; a love letter”

Since I was preparing for WAEC I had no choice but to carry my books to the hangout and read while I fried.
“Brother help me blow fire!” I said.
“okay! Pass me that book”
“Which book?”
“That book na!” He pointed.

“ahaaan! Brother why will you use my mathematics notebook to blow fire? Use your mouth na!”

“I should use my mouth? Common give me the book jor!” He grabbed it.

Wickedness is Brother Wale; an evil genius indeed. I will never ever forget the day he did what Napoleon couldn’t do, he fed me – I mean choked me with food. That was the day I realized too much of everything is not good, and that Brother Wale was the most wicked person on earth; his name should be in Guinness book.

“Brother I am hungry oh!” I complained after returning from school.

“Yes I know you are hungry, I just put beans on fire”
“kai! Before this beans go done, I go don die!”

I assured myself, so I headed for Gari the one that saves Nigerians.

I had forgotten Brother Wale hated drinking Gari and he wouldn’t allow me drink. He said drinking Gari meant one was poor, so to prevent poverty he warned that I never drank Gari in his presence no matter how hungry I was.

“Brother this one you are watching cartoon?” I crossed my leg munching Gari.
“abi you no watch am when you dey small?” I saw Tom was chasing Jerry with a Knife.

He was so focused watching that at some point I thought he was watching either Nine O’clock news or his football club Manchester united was playing against say Chelsea.

“Why Brother Wale eye just dey focus for TV?” I asked myself.

“Maybe money dey this Tom and Jerry oh! Abi if person watch am, the person go win money?” Because I was sure Brother Wale was in dire need of money that period of his life.

“Make me sef watch oooh, in case!” I said to myself.

“no cut am! No cut am!” I said as Tom ran closer to Jerry and was about to cut its head.

“Splasssssh!” Tom sliced Jerry’s head into two.

How on earth my cup of Gari poured Brother Wale’s head, I couldn’t comprehend. I turned and saw Brother Wale was Lagbaja and the Gari on his head reminded me of our grand father with gray hair.

“Hahahahahahahahaha!” I laughed
“How dare you pour me Gari on my head?” I saw he wasn’t smiling.

“I’m sorry sir! it was a mistake” I knelt down.

“You……… you are sorry for yourself!” A knock landed on my head.

“aaaahhh! Sorry na!” I cried.

“Come here! How many times will I warn you not to drink Gari in this house?” I took steps backwards.

“Hundred times sir!”

“Hundred times abi, and you are still drinking?”

“I am drinking because I am hungry” He wiped out the Gari on his face leaving the one on his beard and his head, and I swear he looked like Wole Shoyinka.

“you are hungry eeehn! Didn’t I tell you there is beans on fire already?”

“Yes sir! You told me!” I answered.

“So?”

“I am very hungry that is why!” I answered.

“hnnnnn! Hungry man! That means you can finish the beans on fire alone abi?” He paused.

“Yes of course!” I talked without thinking.

“fine! You see that bag of beans in the kitchen, I want you to measure fourteen cups and put it on fire! I mean the other stove”
“Why Brother? Are we expecting visitors?” I cared to know.

“Yes oooh, I am expecting my friends”

“This one na m’umu oh! You are expecting your friends and you are cooking beans for them, shey you no see better food cook?” I cursed within.

Little did I know I would be the one that would end up being the m’umu.

“Brother the two beans don done oh!” I announced two hours later.

“okay! Serve me from the first one, and serve the second one in a big bowl”
“A bowl?”
“Yes a bowl, use that our big bowl that Maami use to urinate in while she was alive”
“Why that bowl?”
“I have put the beans in the bowl and i have covered it, What of my own?” I asked after serving him, “which one will I eat?”

“You see that one in the bowl? Eat it, its yours!” He said, ”And wait…………………………… you must finish it”
“How? How will I finish this thing?”
“Don’t ask me how; I thought you